*Bear with me- I am having problems with the blog design, not recognizing my paragraphs. Bullet points? The only way to get it to work for now :(

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  Update: The jewelry party I stressed about, earlier, went well. I had 6 people show up- soooo appreciative of their willingness to give up a Friday night. There was good food, conversation and I was able to help another mom make a little money. Was it worth the turmoil, emotionally, that I put myself through? No. But, life is about a constant stream of lessons learned. I'll chalk it up to that.


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  Revelation #2


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  I am a bad wife. I'll come back to this, later.


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  For our kids' birthdays, we have a healthy dose of their "special day", while still keeping things real. Yes, we've done the parties, roller skating, renting a gym, etc. Once they turn 10, we scale it back. For one, parties are expensive! By the time you rent a place out, buy a cake, cups, snacks, food, etc. you are talking a big chunk of change. There's hardly any money left to buy a gift or two. Also, the option of having these big parties at our house, is out. Do you realize how much room 10 -12yr old's take up? Our house won't fit that measurement. Outside parties are fun, but Jay is the only one who can take advantage of that. The other kids are winter/early spring, so the weather is, at best, a crapshoot. There's always a cake or dessert, gifts and the effort to make them feel it's their day. We try to make sure the kids feel they are getting some special attention on their birthdays, whether it's a small group for an overnight, or going out to eat.....it's a day for them.


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  For Eric and I, we have never done anything big. Let me take that back, Eric did get a surprise birthday party for his 30th. He ruined it for himself, by being so freaking attentive to details. After weeks of secret phone calls to his friends, the hiding of plates, cups, food and drink in the garage, and the clandestine plan for how to get him out of the house, he notices a familiar car, parked along the street.....3 minutes before he gets to the house and hears, "SURPRISE!" He also got a larger party last year, when we combined his 40th with Vivan's 1st. We may exchange a little gift, maybe breakfast in bed. Sometimes there's a handwritten card, or "coupons". Even if there's no cake, there' some desired dessert and/or a special-made meal of their faves. Whatever the acknowledgement, there's always something that signifies a special day for the birthday mom/dad. This year, do you know what Eric got? Nothing. Nada. Zero. He woke up, yesterday, got dressed, had coffee, discussed the day's events and went to buy tags for the vehicles. All that, and not one of us said , "Happy Birthday." I didn't even realize it, until he was gone. I called him, to admit my shame over not acknowledging him. He assured me it was ok. He wasn't upset. I was. How could I not even say the words?? It wasn't until we were getting ready for bed, that I realized, I didn't even get him a cake!! No card?? No special meal! He spent his day, transferring an RV title at the DMV, for pete's sake! He didn't even get an Oreo cookie, since we had 3 extra kids here and those suckers were gone within the first hour. The only rectifying part of the day, was that Eric was genuinely happy about a slow, relaxing day. Given that we are in the beginnings of travel baseball, we will have FEW, if any, slow and relaxing weekends from now until.....well.....November, to be honest. (Baseball runs into football) It's not that I forgot about his birthday. His co-workers/friends had a little get-together on Thursday, so I was well aware of it. I guess the week just snuck up on me. This is really unacceptable. Sure, as adults, we don't do big things, but to have a day for you, and your family does NOTHING, is not cool.


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  I will not make this mistake again.


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  Happy Birthday, Eric.

I am lucky. I realize this. I absolutely love my kids' friends. Sure, there have been a few over the years that were super annoying, or just downright a bad influence. But, either these annoying kids have done some "growing up" and are a joy to be around, or my kids have decided to "unfriend" the ones who don't treat them (and their siblings) well. I watch, especially, the 10-12year old boys, play with Vivian and truly watch out for her. There is no embarrassment when Viv asks for a hug and kiss. It's reciprocated with enthusiasm. Many of these kids watch out for her better than her own siblings(which is saying a lot). I pray that these kids will be in our lives for a very long time. I also hope for lifelong friendships that overcome the test of time. I want to go to their weddings and watch their own families grow. It's the same dream I have for my own kids, which are mine biologically, but the last headcount I had for the ones I consider "my" kids was at ...let's see......3+ 5+ 2+ 2+,.....equals.....um....well, let's just say I have quite the brood. *Yes, I realize the inconsistency between my "I hate slumber parties" post, and this one. I love Al's friends individually- but in a group, they lose their minds. :)

We had just watched "Secretariat", so Ally's cake reflected her love for that movie.

I said I would never again have a slumber party of girls. They are really no fun at all....for me. A couple girls, sure. Even then, it's risky. But, what else do you do in February for your daughter's birthday? Within an hour of getting these girls into my home, there was drama. I knew I couldn't take another 24 hours of this. I told them that they needed to figure it out and get along. I also said that I could have 8 boys in my house for an entire weekend, and there would be not ONE fight. No drama. No arguments that they couldn't deal with on their own. But, I get 4 girls for an hour and they couldn't handle it???? There wasn't another fight the rest of the time. I am not a good "girl mom".

I don't know how THIS started. Oh wait, maybe it was me. Yes, good move, mom, start a frosting war. Niiiiiice.

Revelation #1



I have been sulking and complaining for months.....ok..years, about being lonely. I live in rural Ohio, have no (outside) job, spend my days with my toddler, and have no close friends within a 300 mile radius of me. Boo Hoo, woe is my life.



Recently, the mother of one of Ally's friends asked me to host a jewelry party. Since my ability to say no rivals only that of my ability to whine and complain about being lonely, I said yes. My first thought was that I really don't know a lot of people. I didn't grow up here, I didn't go to school here. I moved here 5 years ago. Sure, there are people I know, but do they like me enough to come to a party?? Well, I certainly have a handful of people I can send an invite to, right? Ahh...but wait....here's where the revelation comes in - I don't WANT to. I don't want people I don't really know in my house, or my life, for that matter. Aha. There it is. I typed it out loud. It's out there. I am somewhat anti- social. I always knew I was a homebody (hence my user name for twitter), but it never dawned on me that I was anti-social!!! But, there really is no other word or phrase for it. I don't like people all that much. Once I get to know them and find out how witty, pleasant and sweet they are, sure, I will socialize. But, do I want a house full of acquaintances? Not so much. That stuff tires me out. While I am pretty adept at lying to my children about the tooth fairy and maybe fudging the truth to Eric about who keeps leaving the computer on all night , I suck at faking that I'm enjoying myself, when I'm not. I am perfectly happy staying home with my family who loves me no matter what. Trying to hold conversations about my numbingly dull life, while having no interest in others', equally, dull lives is torture. I can have a house full of kids, but grown-ups scare me.



Ya know what else? Now, this is gonna blow your mind. While I don't want to be around people a lot, I do care what they think of me. Some of the people I'd invite to the party have nice houses, more money, and will see my "safe place", flaws and all. I have a house that's way to small for our family, who's carpet needs to be cleaned, walls need to be painted and stubborn dirt to be rid of. I don't want to stress about making it presentable. I don't have the money for new throw pillows or frames to adorn the walls. My decorating skills are fine for my family, who doesn't know any better, but isn't for the likes of fancy people. We live with cables running along our living room floor, spider webs in the corners and curtains that hold 2-3 pounds of dust. It's ...HOME. To the untrained and more sophisticated eye, that's unacceptable living. Crap. Do you see my dilemma?? I will hold this party, because I am a person of my word. Just wish my anti-social-self, would alert my need-to-please-self, before my blabber-mouth-self, says yes.



:)

This is what Daddy and Viv did while Mom was gone. It was a great father/daughter day. Vivian asks to ride the pony and daddy does what she asks. Sucker.

He also lets her climb up to the hay loft. Umm....good idea, Dad????

Argh- lets get rid of the binky, shall we?????

Ally's birthday present!!

Al decided awhile back that she wanted to "redo'" her room for her birthday. I was all for it, since her room was a little dated. When I asked her what color she wanted to paint it, she said, "HOT PINK!". I asked, "Hot pink like bright and bold, or hot pink like soft and elegant". (There was no leading in that question, right??) She said she wanted it bright and bold. I told her that that color was hard to pull off, so we would have to see just how bold we could get it. We, then, went to visit Al's cousin over Christmas break, and she had a hot pink room!! It could be done without blinding whoever dared to enter!! So, we picked a color called, tropical smoothie, and went to town......

LOVE IT!!!!!

When I was checking out at Home Depot, the cashier asked me, "Are you painting ALL the walls that color?" I took that to mean it was too bright and overwhelming, in her opinion. I did get a little nervous at that point, but there was no turning back. I was so pleased with the outcome! And, yes, that IS the desk I refurbished. I finally got those "after" photos posted - only 5 months later......

I think I have a picture of Al's bedroom, before the transition. Our digital photos are a freaking mess, all unorganized on two different computers. (Anyone as unorganized as me????) If I find some, I will post before and after.

I will NEVER say that my husband is not romantic, ever again. (Well, at least for awhile :) For Valentine's Day, he took all the old, dusty disposable cameras we've had in our basement, from our wedding 12 years ago, and had them developed. I had long given up on those cameras. It was popular, then, to put these cameras on the tables - to let the guests help document the reception. We had some of them developed, but had quickly moved on from "honeymoon stage", to "new parents" very soon after the wedding. They got lost in the shuffle of life's transitions. We moved those cameras to 5 different houses since then. Imagine my surprise when Eric shows up with 13 packets of photos, last night!

As we were looking through some of the pictures, laughing at how young we all were, and remembering some of the people that we haven't seen in years, we came across photos that brought tears to our eyes. We've lost several people in the last 12 years, and there were their smiling faces in those photos!

I will share some of them, just because I want to. Very, very happy memories of the people we love so!




Here is a great picture of my beautiful sister in law! I love this picture of her.

This is McKenzi. She became my "mother's little helper" once I had the kids and Eric was off to Marine training. Her dad was also a Marine(you all know Jeff :), so she would come stay with me and help me. She is now driving and will be graduating from high school soon. WHAT?! But, wasn't it only yesterday, that she was dancing around at my wedding reception, wearing my veil????

Here is another they-grow-up-too-fast, baby. Payton is a toddler, here, but is now getting his learners permit and dating girls(sort of). Really?! Not even a little bit cool, him growing up like that. How dare he???? ;)

This is my friend, Katie, and her mom. MaryAnn is one we lost way too soon. My heart caught in my throat when I saw this picture.

Grandma and Grandpa. I was lucky enough to have them around, still, when I got married. Sure, there are photos in my wedding album, of the whole family. But here, they are dancing!! :) This is a very sweet picture - what a gift!

Thank you, my love, for not listening to me when I said, "Geez, I'm sure those cameras aren't even salvageable, anymore. Just throw them away." There is nothing money can buy that would be more special than these memories.

* But, don't let that stop you from surprising me with a Jeep Wrangler one day. Ha Ha!