Revelation #1



I have been sulking and complaining for months.....ok..years, about being lonely. I live in rural Ohio, have no (outside) job, spend my days with my toddler, and have no close friends within a 300 mile radius of me. Boo Hoo, woe is my life.



Recently, the mother of one of Ally's friends asked me to host a jewelry party. Since my ability to say no rivals only that of my ability to whine and complain about being lonely, I said yes. My first thought was that I really don't know a lot of people. I didn't grow up here, I didn't go to school here. I moved here 5 years ago. Sure, there are people I know, but do they like me enough to come to a party?? Well, I certainly have a handful of people I can send an invite to, right? Ahh...but wait....here's where the revelation comes in - I don't WANT to. I don't want people I don't really know in my house, or my life, for that matter. Aha. There it is. I typed it out loud. It's out there. I am somewhat anti- social. I always knew I was a homebody (hence my user name for twitter), but it never dawned on me that I was anti-social!!! But, there really is no other word or phrase for it. I don't like people all that much. Once I get to know them and find out how witty, pleasant and sweet they are, sure, I will socialize. But, do I want a house full of acquaintances? Not so much. That stuff tires me out. While I am pretty adept at lying to my children about the tooth fairy and maybe fudging the truth to Eric about who keeps leaving the computer on all night , I suck at faking that I'm enjoying myself, when I'm not. I am perfectly happy staying home with my family who loves me no matter what. Trying to hold conversations about my numbingly dull life, while having no interest in others', equally, dull lives is torture. I can have a house full of kids, but grown-ups scare me.



Ya know what else? Now, this is gonna blow your mind. While I don't want to be around people a lot, I do care what they think of me. Some of the people I'd invite to the party have nice houses, more money, and will see my "safe place", flaws and all. I have a house that's way to small for our family, who's carpet needs to be cleaned, walls need to be painted and stubborn dirt to be rid of. I don't want to stress about making it presentable. I don't have the money for new throw pillows or frames to adorn the walls. My decorating skills are fine for my family, who doesn't know any better, but isn't for the likes of fancy people. We live with cables running along our living room floor, spider webs in the corners and curtains that hold 2-3 pounds of dust. It's ...HOME. To the untrained and more sophisticated eye, that's unacceptable living. Crap. Do you see my dilemma?? I will hold this party, because I am a person of my word. Just wish my anti-social-self, would alert my need-to-please-self, before my blabber-mouth-self, says yes.



:)