So.....most of you who read this already know, but I guess it's time to "put it out there"-- I am currently 12 weeks pregnant.
1. No, it wasn't planned
2. Yes, we know how this happens, and believe- you- me, it's been taken care of.
3. The kids are excited-well, Max and Al are, Jay is a mama's boy and doesn't want to share me.
4. It's horrible timing..baby will be born in April, right about the time Eric has a couple trips, long trips.
5. I'm flippin' old....too old for this shit.

I am at the point, now, where I can talk about it without a pit in my stomach. No, it's not some metaphor for the seed in me, but literally, a sinking feeling regarding what we are in for.

I received immunizations in May for the trip to Brazil. The nurse told me not to get pregnant for 3 months......"Yeah, ok, no problem".....oops! The perinatologist said she thought I was ok on that front. My advanced maternal age, however, seems to be more of the concern. I will have testing done on the 10th.

We have nothing. Not one stitch of clothing for baby or my growing belly. No crib. No room for a crib. I was really excited to go back to work this fall as an LPN. I felt good contributing financially to the family. Now, I doubt anyone will hire me given I only have about 6 months to work.

A newborn mixed in with all the activities, homework and craziness that is our family is pretty overwhelming. Max may be starting travel ball this spring that will take us all over central Ohio. Poor babe will only know the inside of the van!!!

**************Now, for the positive*****************************************

I am starting to get to the part where I can get excited. It's taken me a long time. It's just not what I had planned.

As it is now, Eric gets home at night around 6:30-7. He misses out on a lot with the kids. We have some changes coming up that will allow him to be around more (hopefully) He will have more time to spend with the kids and new baby. When Max, Jay and Ally were young, he also had to work a lot and commute. He feels he missed out on stuff he will be able to be there for with #4.

With the older three, it was a lot of baby/infant/toddler in a small amount of time. With the older kids pretty much self-sufficient, I'm hoping it will be a little easier. Being on the move all the time is the only physical drawback I see for now. The kids are excited to help out with the baby (at least NOW they say that :)

I have an opportunity to do things differently this time around. I will use cloth/reusable diapers to keep from destroying the planet. I feel I will be much more laid-back....how can you not with the fourth??

All in all, this happened for a reason. A reason I do not fully understand, yet. I have heard many times, people having "surprises" like ours and feeling it was very much meant to be. A wonderful gift they would never have expected. I feel this will be the same with us.


* Mom said someone she knows described the baby at this point as looking like a gummy bear. That's exactly what it looks like!!!!
Seeing as how I have been much sicker with this one, than the other three combined, I was glad to see only one on the ultrasound! I will have to open my mind to the possibility of a boy. I keep feeling it's a girl, given how sick I was. I am feeling much better this past week. Tired, but no longer nauseated and barfing. It was a long 6 weeks!!!